Insecurities

Let me tell you what’s insecurity look like. It looks like a dark and ugly little monsters who live inside your a cave in your mind. Its default is idle, sleeping inside the dark cave that cannot be reached by anything. But, don’t get too comfortable with that status, this monsters seem to have a sense or alarm when something walks in front of that cave. A motion sensors perhaps. If something walks in front of the cave, these monsters wake up and try to scare that thing off.

The things I’ve said before, that trigger motion sensors in front of the cave, they are the happy thoughts or positivity or optimism. These monsters are afraid of those things, so they have to scare it off. Whenever happy thoughts (or positivity or optimism) come, these monsters are ready to attack.

“Go away!”
“You’re not good enough!”
“Those appraisals? They are all lies!”
“You’re not pretty/handsome enough, of course no one likes you.”
“You’re not talented enough, that’s why you don’t get the job.”
“Do you know why he doesn’t say good morning to you but do exactly the same to other girl? It’s because you’re boring. You’re cheap. You’re not attractive enough. He doesn’t need you.”
“Uh oh, what did you just said? You know, you’re wrong, right? People are gonna talk about you behind your back.”
“You’re incompetent, you know that, don’t you?”

Those are only bits of example of the attack that the little monsters will give. These monsters are smart, their strategy is always a surprised attack. Despite how ridiculous it sounds like, we never realize it until it’s already too late. Even though we’ve been attacked several times with the same strategies, we can never anticipate it or make a preparation when the attack comes. The happy thoughts or optimism are never given any warning to not go near the dark cave. Even when they’re given the warning, they go anyway, because, well, there are no other alternative road.

This dark cave filled with nasty little monsters cannot be rid easily. The monsters, they are actually chained in the cave. They cannot go outside, but their vicious attack can damage the positive emotions and feelings entirely. Even from afar. They never really touch the positive feelings, the optimism, the good thoughts. They just barking and screaming at them, and they’re all damaged and vanished.

That’s what insecurities look like. That’s what I have inside. Those little monsters that belittle me and my deeds every single time. Those monsters that are able to make me stop and want to shrink myself on the corner of the room I’m in. Nasty creatures that always succeeded in making me dismiss every compliment given to me. Their attacks are able to raise self-doubt in me.

Nasty little monsters in dark cave. That’s what insecurities look like.

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2 thoughts on “Insecurities

  1. Something i am familiar with. Never feel good enough to anyone. Over-conscious sama tubuh dan penampilan. But i am good at covering it. Fighting it all the time. Faking it with made up confidence.

    Won’t loose myself to those creatures. Won’t let my money for therapy sessions wasted.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. *peluk erat* I, too, won’t be defeated by it. At least by recognizing that it’s there, tagging the insecurities, I might fight it back. I don’t get into therapy for nothing, like you said.

      Like

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